Who's Going Squirrel Hunting?
Jessica Conway
Issue date: 10/26/05 Section: features
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Versus Magazine Online [Image based format]
As I see it, there are three different types of people: those who are scared of squirrels, those who don't care about them, and those who want to chase them. While I tend to be a Type 2, I can definitely identify with Type 1 in several ways. For example, I do not like how when I am walking across main campus, I look off to the side only to see one staring right at me. I am not a peanut, and there is no reason for a squirrel to be looking at me like that. I have enough trouble eluding bicycles without having to worry about being attacked by a squirrel on my way to class. These things are nearly one-hundredth of my size; why aren't they scared of me? They just sit there and watch me, like Robert Deniro in Meet the Parents, and one time, a squirrel even tried to run across my shoe. Thank God it was the one day this year that I didn't wear flip-flops. Clearly, there is a need for more Type 3 people.
From what I hear, squirrel chasing/catching is an ancient art in which one shimmies up a tree with a burlap bag and attempts to "pounce." If there are any talented squirrel hunters out there, hopefully they will get on their game, so that we can transport our squirrel population to MTSU. If you have interest but no skill, and would like to learn, perhaps you could ask one of the guys who walk on tightropes outside of Rand Dining Hall. They seem like they would know about that sort of thing. Vote for Pedro.